We’ve all been there: a loop of thoughts spinning endlessly in our minds, paralyzing our ability to make decisions or move forward.
Whether you are replaying a cringeworthy moment from a meeting or stressing over a major life crossroads, overthinking is a trap that catches every single one of us.
When I joined the 10 Minute Coaches podcast recently, we got talking about exactly why our brains do this and I wanted to share the single, powerful question I use with almost all my clients to help break that cycle.
Why We "Doom Spiral"
As a coach, I always look at our habits with curiosity rather than judgment. The truth is, overthinking isn’t a personal flaw; it’s actually a misplaced survival mechanism.
"As humans, we're wired for certainty. So, we like to know what's going on, and when things feel uncertain, then they can feel dangerous and threatening, ultimately."
To cope with that uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty, our brains attempt to protect us by trying to think things through until they find a sense of security. The problem is, we frequently fixate on the wrong targets. Often, the things we end up overthinking about are the things that sit entirely outside of our control. When we do that, we get caught in a frustrating "doom spiral," trying to make sense of things when it’s really quite futile.
Think of it like trying to upload a file with a bad internet connection—the loading circle just spins and spins, and you can’t see any way out of it.
The Power of Articulating Your Thoughts
We are naturally wired to organize our thoughts by talking and articulating them to other people.
You’ve probably experienced this yourself: you go to a friend asking for advice, but as soon as you actually talk it through out loud, you suddenly say, "Thanks anyway, but I think I know exactly what I need to do now!"
That is exactly what coaching is. My role isn’t to hand you the answers—after all, you are the ultimate expert in your own life and career. Instead, my job is to give you the space to answer your own questions. By asking the right prompts, we can pull you out of those endless mental circles and help you get real clarity.
My Golden Question
To shift away from the self-critical, judgmental narratives that keep us stuck, I always come back to one incredibly simple question:
"Is thinking this helping me towards my goal?"
Our brains are brilliant at solving problems, but the reality is that not every thought deserves our attention. We often mistake the act of worrying or obsessing for making actual progress. But thinking and moving forward are not always the same thing.
By asking yourself if a specific thought is actually serving your objective, you immediately cut through the mental noise. It forces you to pause and evaluate: What am I thinking right now? and What is my actual goal?
How to Pivot
If you ask yourself this question and realize your current line of thinking isn’t helpful at all, the next step is to immediately follow it up with a second prompt:
"What else could I choose to think about?"
This instantly brings your focus back to intentional, helpful thinking.
Shifting from negative, unhelpful questions to constructive ones is usually what triggers those classic "light bulb moments". Even when I’m coaching someone online, I can practically feel the exact point where they start to become unstuck. They gain that clarity of thought, which suddenly allows them to come up with clear, practical, small steps to move their lives forward.
Try it today: The next time you feel your brain spinning its wheels, pause and ask yourself: Is thinking this helping me towards my goal? If it isn't, choose a new thought.
If you want to dive deeper into self-coaching, head over to the rest of my site where you can find free downloadable trackers and prompts to help you navigate your own crossroads.
