Building lasting habits is a challenge many of us face. While willpower is often seen as the driving force behind change, it is inherently unreliable. Motivation fluctuates, and self-discipline alone is rarely enough to sustain long-term behavioural shifts. The key to creating habits that stick lies in aligning them with your identity. By understanding and embracing your core values, you can shape habits that feel natural rather than forced.
What Is Identity and Why Does It Matter?
Defining Identity
Identity is the way we see ourselves and how we want others to perceive us. It shapes our behaviours, decisions, and ultimately, our habits. When we establish an identity, we naturally adopt habits that align with it.
Tapping into Identity for Habit Formation
Rather than relying on fleeting motivation, building identity-based habits ensures consistency. For example, if you see yourself as a leader who values connection, you will prioritise regular one-to-one meetings with your team, even during busy periods. If a manager frequently cancels meetings due to work demands, reminding them of the leader they want to be can help reinforce the importance of making time for their team.
Breaking Habits Through Identity Shifts
Our identity can also play a significant role in breaking unwanted habits. Consider the example of smoking. Many smokers struggle to quit despite knowing the health risks because they associate smoking with their identity.
I personally experienced this struggle. For years, I attempted to quit smoking but failed repeatedly. Even though I understood the logical reasons for quitting, I saw myself as ‘a smoker,’ and this identity made it difficult to let go of the habit. Social connections reinforced this perception—I still wanted to step outside with friends during breaks, engaging in the same routines. However, when I decided to start a family, my identity shifted. I no longer wanted to be a mother who smoked. The new identity made quitting feel effortless because smoking was no longer aligned with who I wanted to be.
Using Identity to Improve Work-Life Balance
Identity-based habits extend beyond quitting negative behaviours; they also help in creating positive lifestyle changes. One of my clients struggled to leave the office on time due to constant work demands. However, when I asked him what kind of father he wanted to be, he described an engaged, present parent. This realisation helped him shift his identity from ‘the guy who works the longest hours’ to ‘a good dad who is home for dinner and bedtime routines.’ Once he aligned his work habits with his identity as a dedicated parent, leaving work on time became natural rather than a forced effort.
Why Identity-Based Habits Are Stronger Than Willpower Alone
The Limitations of Willpower
Willpower is like a battery - it depletes over time. Relying solely on it to sustain habits often leads to inconsistency and burnout.
How Identity Shapes Behaviour
A shift in identity can make habit formation feel effortless. Consider the example of a former smoker who struggled to quit despite knowing the health risks. When they decided they wanted to be a non-smoking parent, quitting became easy because smoking no longer aligned with their new identity.
Realigning Identity to Change Habits
Another example is a professional who regularly works late but wishes to spend more time with family. By shifting their identity to “a present and engaged parent,” they are more likely to establish work-life balance without forcing themselves to leave the office on time—it becomes a natural part of their identity.
What are the 4 simple ways to build an Identity-Based Habit?
- Think about the new habit you want to create and reflect on what kind of person would do this. For example, if going to the gym is something you want to do, what sort of person goes to the gym each week?
- Notice what’s coming up for you.
- Now think about the kind of person you feel like at this time, and the kind of person you want to be (or deep down really are.)
- Can you connect your sense of identity with your new habit?
Here’s an example of what this could look like.
I want to start going to the gym, and I notice that the kind of person who I think goes to the gym is fit, strong and healthy. However, I don’t currently feel very strong or fit at the moment and I actually feel sluggish, a bit tired and achy. And that’s not the kind of person in my mind that goes to the gym! But when I think about myself more deeply, this isn’t really who I am.
I am usually energetic, positive and bouncy and value my health because it allows me to do the things I love. Knowing this about myself, I can connect who I really am, and who I would like to be, with my new habit of being active and enjoying a strength based fitness class at the gym. Would a fun, bouncy and positive person who cares about their health go to the gym? Absolutely!
Using Core Values to Define Your Identity
What are core values?
Core values are the principles and beliefs that guide decisions and behaviours. When individuals align their actions with their core values, they experience greater fulfilment and authenticity.
How do core values influence habits
When habits align with personal values, they feel less like an obligation and more like an extension of oneself. This leads to greater consistency and long-term success.
How do you identify your core values
Reflect on past experiences
To uncover your core values, consider the following:
- Think of moments in your career or personal life when you felt happiest and most fulfilled.
- Identify common themes—were you collaborating with others, taking on leadership roles, or enjoying creative freedom?
Use Value Identification Exercises
There are various tools and exercises to help pinpoint core values. For example, Indeed offers a comprehensive guide to identifying and defining your values.
Aligning Core Values with Your Environment
Once you identify your values, ensure your work, relationships, and daily habits reflect them. When your environment supports your values, forming habits becomes easier and more sustainable.
Getting clear on your identity
If you know what matters to you, what is important and what deeply motivates you, it can help you recall who you really want to be and how you show up in the world.
The person we choose to be can differ depending on the situation we are in.
For example, the identity we have at work can be different to the person we are when we’re at home with our children, or when we are with our parents!
But whatever the differences are, our core values will always remain. For me, kindness is a core value and whatever circumstance I am in, this value will always be most important over achievement, recognition or outcomes.
FAQs on Identity-Based Habit Formation
Why do identity-based habits work better than outcome-based habits?
Outcome-based habits focus on a specific result (e.g., losing 10 pounds), whereas identity-based habits focus on who you are becoming (e.g., a person who prioritises health). The latter is more sustainable because it integrates the habit into your sense of self.
How can knowing my core values help me build better habits?
Core values guide decision-making and behaviour. When habits align with values, they feel more natural and are easier to maintain over time.
What if my current habits don’t reflect the identity I want?
Recognise the disconnect and start making small changes that align with your desired identity. Over time, these small shifts will reinforce the new identity.
How long does it take to shift identity-based habits?
It varies for each individual, but consistency is key. The more you reinforce your identity through aligned actions, the more natural the habits will become.
How do you shift your identity?
Reflecting on who you want to be known as, how you want others to see you, and how you’d like to see yourself can help you to shift your identity and align your actions accordingly. Actions speak louder than words!
Final Thoughts
I hope this helps you get started and as always, feel free to contact me with any questions you have. Coaching can support you to challenge your thinking and get more clarity on how to incorporate your values into goals and actions.
